From the Independent • Mt. Airy News Stories

June 23, 2011 • Previous Issue MAI.052611.pdf


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In This Issue


Fire Guts Black Olive Building in Mt. Airy

by Jim Foster

Publisher

The two-story building that housed the former Black Olive restaurant and apartments was hit with a heavy fire on Tuesday June 16 late in the afternoon. Substantial damage to the second floor was visible the next day as furniture and bedding filled the sidewalk at 24 E. Mt Airy Avenue.  Closer inspection shows substantial damage to the structure with a burned-through roof and damage to an adjacent building.


Germantown Y Welcomes Coach Michael Bennett to Staff

by Tracie Johnson

Staff Writer

The Germantown Y will welcome experienced basketball player and coach Michael Bennett to their staff this Saturday, June 25. Although his job title is undefined at the moment, Bennett is well aware of what kind of program he intends on running, the age demographic the program will target, as well as the goals he has set for himself, the curriculum of his program and the children he will be instructing. 


Community Groups, City to Help Local Residents Fight Foreclosure

To avoid foreclosure and mortgage scams, the City of Philadelphia’s Residential Mortgage Foreclosure Prevention Program is the one program that local residents can trust and rely on. Staffed by local community groups, the Program’s door-to-door outreach initiative and housing counseling already saved over 3,500 homes from foreclosure since the program started in 2008. Participation in program is completely free and begins with a call to the city’s SaveYourHomePhilly Hotline at 215-334-4663.


More at Right

Fire Guts Black Olive Building in Mt. Airy

by Jim Foster

Publisher

The two-story building that housed the former Black Olive restaurant and apartments was hit with a heavy fire on Tuesday June 16 late in the afternoon. Substantial damage to the second floor was visible the next day as furniture and bedding filled the sidewalk at 24 E. Mt Airy Avenue.  Closer inspection shows substantial damage to the structure with a burned-through roof and damage to an adjacent building.


According to the Fire Marshall the fire was brought under control at 5:25 and the cause was determined to have been an electrical appliance in the 2nd Floor apartment.


The former Black Oliver restaurant on the first floor gained notoriety in recent months as it was named in a federal investigation that led to charges against two local individuals for misdirecting federal funds earmarked for the New Media Charter School to fund this restaurant.  Federal charges were filed against local individuals Hugh Clark and Ina Walker, former officials of New Media that was funded through State Representative Dwight Evans.


In addition, these same individuals were the principals in the failed North by Northwest restaurant and night club located  around the corner from the Black Olive at 7165 Germantown Avenue.  That entity was also funded by Evans in an amount close to $700,000, but never opened.


Germantown Y Welcomes Coach Michael Bennett to Staff

by Tracie Johnson

Staff Writer

The Germantown Y will welcome experienced basketball player and coach Michael Bennett to their staff this Saturday, June 25. Although his job title is undefined at the moment, Bennett is well aware of what kind of program he intends on running, the age demographic the program will target, as well as the goals he has set for himself, the curriculum of his program and the children he will be instructing. 


Bennett teaches for the University of Pennsylvania Health System, standing up in front of a class at least four days a week. To assist his work experience in administration and management, Bennett has a B.S in Business Administration from Cabrini College and a M.S in Information Systems from Drexel University.


Bennett has indubitable skills in disciplines related to administrative business; however, his passion lies with the art, technique and sport of basketball. In fact, it was his love for basketball that lead him realize his capacity for using his brain more strategically.


According to his Basketball Profile, “Being cut in 8th, 9th and 10th grade did not deter his dream of being a high school and college basketball player. 


After each of the disappointments in high school, Michael became the manager.  He used this time in the gym to pick the coach’s brain about strategy, situations, positioning and other fine points of the game.


Here you can see that at an early age, Bennett managed to marry the talents he possessed intellectually with the beloved sport he held dear to his heart.


Bennett played basketball for Cabrini College for three years and went on to coach collegiate ball post graduation, returning to his alma mater. As coach of the basketball team instead of a player, he worked for Cabrini College as  the junior varsity basketball coach as well as scout/recruiter for seven years before leaving to work fulltime at the Hard Work Basketball Day/Overnight Camps, of which he is the head counselor and co-director.


With additional coaching experience at William Penn Carter School and the Chesnut Hill Youth Sports Club, Mr. Bennett has is now coming to share his experience in playing and coaching basketball with the staff and youth members of the Germantown Y.


Upon assuming his role in Basketball training and fundamental development at the Germantown Y, Bennett has designed a very strategic, anatomy-oriented curriculum that he believes we really help the school aged children the program targets.

“The programs are based on the building blocks of fundamental basketball, i.e., footwork, ball-handling and identity with where to shoot,” said Bennett, who believes it is more important that kids know what their bodies are capable of when engaged in sports.


Running points and monitoring the children’s ball-handling and footwork, as well as other fundamentals, Bennett believes that with a pinch of competition and fun to top off the lessons learned through his program, the children will have a great recipe for success in basketball. For children entering middle school and more specifically high school, Bennett adds in educational components to his curriculum that helps kids use skills and techniques that lead to success in basketball and show them how those very skills can transition into success in the classroom.


Bennett resides in Mt. Airy with his wife Catherine and their two children, Hailey and Noah, and has been living in Philadelphia for 15 years.


Community Groups, City to Help Local Residents Fight Foreclosure

To avoid foreclosure and mortgage scams, the City of Philadelphia’s Residential Mortgage Foreclosure Prevention Program is the one program that local residents can trust and rely on. Staffed by local community groups, the Program’s door-to-door outreach initiative and housing counseling already saved over 3,500 homes from foreclosure since the program started in 2008. Participation in program is completely free and begins with a call to the city’s SaveYourHomePhilly Hotline at 215-334-4663.


In the Germantown and Nicetown area, the city’s outreach initiative, organized by the Nicetown Community Development Organization, visits neighbors experiencing foreclosure door-to-door to make sure they are aware of their court hearing date and offers information about the city’s SaveYourHomePhilly Hotline.


The Hotline staff connects homeowners with trained housing counselors, who provide free support and guidance through the negotiations with lenders and the court process.  The Housing Counselors are staff members at local community organizations, so it is easy to find assistance close to home. Hotline staff can even make you an appointment right over the phone.


There is also a new funding source called Emergency Home Loan Program (EHLP). Available through an application process, EHLP offers housing counselors another resource to help homeowners facing foreclosure. A program of the U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development, EHLP offers assistance to families in danger of losing their homes due to involuntary unemployment, under-employment or for medical reasons. The program runs to September.  


The skill and dedication of the outreach initiative and the housing counselors have had a significant impact on the lives of thousands of families all over Philadelphia. For assistance or more information, please call the SaveYourHomePhilly Hotline at 215-334-HOME (4663).


GCC Expands Board and Focus

by Jim Foster

Publisher


The Germantown Community Connection’s bi-monthly meeting on June 9 saw the introduction of two new board positions and a lively discussion of issues that have been brought forth in the last several months around key Germantown developments and concerns.


Membership in this first comprehensive Germantown community non-profit in many years has greatly expanded in recent months; particularly since the announcement of a proposed development at Chelten and Pulaski Avenues by Pulasky Real Estate Partners, an affiliate of the Fresh Grocer chain operated by Pat Burns.


At least two GCC meetings on that issue have brought out 100-150 local residents, concerned citizens and businesspersons as their was little or no advance information about this largest Germantown project in many years prior to the shut-down of the existing food market.  Many questions raised and alternate perspectives on priorities remain in flux with GCC being the only major forum in which these issues have been discussed.


As a result of the expanded membership and protracted debate on issues, Betty Turner, GCC President announced two new board positions designed to help define procedure and broaden policy definitions within the GCC.  Dennis Barnebey now holds the position of Board Parliamentarian and will clarify the application of Roberts Rules and help streamline procedure at the expanded meetings.  In addition, Marshall Freeman of the Human Relations Commission has been appointed to the Board to help effect a broader understanding in reaching consensus in a growing civic organization dealing with broad-based concerns.  Malik Boyd has been appointed to fill out the remaining term of Board Secretary, as Megan Fitzpatrick resigned that position but remains a member.


A vote was held on a priority issue discussed by GCC over the last few months regarding the Queens Row properties near the Queen Lane SEPTA station. Brought to the attention of GCC by Yvonne Haskins of Haskins Development Corporation, the long-standing abandonment and neglect by ownership of these properties has been one of concern through discussions with the owner, HACE Development Corporation, following a letter from GCC attorney Irv Ackelsberg.


 In order to more formalize the position of GCC regarding these properties a vote was taken after some debate on language to formally oppose in writing HACE’s application to the Office of Housing and Community Development for CDBG funds due to poor performance in maintaining the site under their ownership.


 Expanded discussion followed on the multiple issues surrounding the proposed but started Chelten Plaza project where work has commenced on the existing building and the long-abandoned gas station building at Pulaski and Rittenhouse has been demolished.  Permits, some issued the day before the meeting, were presented and discussion of the legality of what has taken place ensued with some level of concern expressed by members about the project continuing without further explanation of what rights and laws may be violated, and others expressing the view that Pulasky R.E. Partners can continue as a matter of right and needs no further approvals.  Some further discussion as to the possible creation of food Co-op with input and consultant funding to Weaver’s Way was presented with indication that this aspect was time sensitive according to developer Burns.


A Celebration of Juneteenth

The Saturday celebration of Juneteenth at the Historic Johnson House in Germantown could not have been a better reflection in a better location of the abolitionist movement it celebrates.


The Johnson House is the only certified existent stop on the Underground Railroad in this city and it is located in the very neighborhood where the early German Quakers wrote the first anti-slavery petition in this country in 1688; only a few years after the founding of Germantown.


Now properly characterized as Freedom’s Backyard, the 146th Anniversary of the ratification of the 13th Amendment was held in and around the yard at the restored Johnson House at Germantown Avenue and Washington Lane on Saturday June 18.


Hosted by the Johnson House Historical Society and the 6300 Germantown Avenue Business Alliance, the diverse program was designed to bring to life the history of key events in the anti-slavery movement that included presentations from over a dozen separate entities ranging from local universities, to the National Convention Center to the Black Writers Museum.


Re-enactments told the story in period clothing of the efforts of Harriet Tubman, individual slaves and that of Hercules, President Washington’s Chef who escaped Slavery.


Fifteen separate events took place from 11:00 a.m. to 2:00 p.m. also including dance, children’s activities, film, and music.


Other historic sites along Germantown Avenue were open for special tours including Cliveden, and the Concord School House and Burial Ground.


The Johnson House is available for tours on a regular basis and can be contacted at 215-438-1768 and on the web at www.johnsonhouse.org.


East Mt. Airy Neighbors annual meeting and elections will be held at 7 p.m. on Tuesday, June 28, in Hagan Amphitheater on the campus of the Lutheran Theological Seminary (7301 Germantown Ave.).


EMAN's monthly Board Meetings are held at EMAN Office on the campus of the Lutheran Theological Seminary and  are open to the public.


The EMAN office  office is staffed most weekday mornings and they check their e-mail at info@eastmountairy.org regularly.


The EMAN annual membership campaign begins in July. It's never too late to join. See the web site news page for information on the campaign.


On June 23, the Medium Rare Cinema presents "Vigil." Hosted by film critic Adam Lippe, Medium Rare Cinema presents rarely-seen films, along with discussion groups, trivia games and free popcorn.


Court Order Allows GCC to Examine G’town Settlement Records

Bankruptcy Court Judge Stephen Raslavich further extended his October, 2010, ruling that the Germantown Community has a place in the bankruptcy proceedings of Germantown Settlement and its affiliates by signing another order on June 9, 2011.

The failure of Emanuel Freeman to present requested information and supporting documentation at scheduled hearings over the last several months prompted Germantown Community Connection attorney Irv Acklesberg to petition the  Court for authority to personally conduct an examination of Emanuel Freeman that includes preparation of documents for a number of affiliated corporations.


That Order was granted and a scheduled date of July 26 was set for Freeman to produce tax returns and a long list of financial and corporate documents for Germantown Settlement, Greater Germantown Housing Development Corporation and 17 other corporations controlled by Freeman and associates.  The Order further specifies that the examination is not limited to those named entities.


The Order further provides for an alternative if Freeman does not cooperate with Ackelsberg’s scheduling. Freeman failed to appear at several hearings in and outside of Federal Court. Judge Raslavich issued an order to force appearance on a previous occasion.

This Order for preparation of documents and testimony may answer a long-burned mystery surrounding how a Federal Tax return of a Mt. Airy entity, totally unrelated to Freeman or Settlement, became the official filing in the IRS records of Greater Germantown Housing Development Corporation for its 2007 tax year.  That document still appears on record and is publicly accessible.


More specifically, the 990 Non-Profit Tax Return of  EMAN COMMUNITY LIVING PROPERTIES INC, was filed with the identification number of Greater Germantown Housing Development Corporation for the tax year beginning July 1, 2007. 

While no affiliation can be discerned, it seems clear that the number is the determinate of how reports are filed, but the name on the return does not match previous years, nor do the ending and beginning balances.

Of further interest is that this return alone — of all those filed by GGHDC — was filed in Ogden, Utah, rather than the customary Cherry Hill, New Jersey, office for local entities.


EMAN Community Living Properties Inc, a former affiliate of East Mt. Airy Neighbors, has been sold since the 2007 date and no information as to the correct EIN number for that entity and how its return was actually filed are available.

The officer who signed that return, Raj Desai is deceased, the returns of the two entities are not prepared by the same accountant, and communication with past and present officers of both EMAN and Community Living produced no explanation of how it could have happened. 


A PDF of the Court Order is available on the newspaper’s website at www.germantownnewspapers.com.


Kaneeayl Davis Moving Forward with College and Basketball

by Tracie Johnson


Last Wednesday, Germantown High School graduated 178 seniors. Eight of those seniors played basketball for the Germantown Bears and three are going on to play college level ball.


One these students earned a special spotlight for exceptional academic and athletic achievements. 


At a college signing held in Cedar Brook Plaza’s Old Country Buffet, Germantown Newspapers had an opportunity to sit down with graduate and basketball star Kaneeayl Davis. Having just graduated and surrounded by family, friends and his new coach, Rashad Brooks, Kaneeayl committed to playing at the next level with Cecil College, a NJCAA Division III college located in North East, Maryland. After playing for Cecil for two years, he hopes to continue on to a Division I college or university furthering both his academic and athletic career.


With a father, Anthony Davis, who has a strong history in basketball as either a player or coach, one could easily postulate that Kaneeayl picked up his basketball capabilities genetically.


“I started playing when I was young, my dad just put me on the court and that was it” says Kaneeayl who admitted to not really loving the game at first.


“I didn’t really like basketball initially, my dad introduced me to it, I was good at it, and so I stuck with it,” he said.


Although Kaneeayl did not share the same love story with basketball as his father, he was well aware of its benefits and that was enough to keep him interested and dedicated. 


“Basketball was my ticket in to college” says Kaneeayl.


His father shared a similar view, saying that “basketball was just one of the mediums he used to help get him to college, to assist his academics”.


Upon graduation, Kaneeayl has managed to maintain a 3.1 GPA, average about 12-15 points a game, and attend intense work out sessions along with non-stop practicing.  With his acceptance into Cecil College, Kaneeayl is now starting to reap the benefits of his hard work. As far as the intense work out goes, Kaneaayl is in excellent shape.


His father proudly declares that Kaneeayl has a “division one body, with great stamina” and in a 2010 report Hoopville, a website that covers Men’s College Basketball news, acknowledged Kaneeayl’s well polished physique stating the 6’4” guard had a “mature body.”

Clearly, having such physical strengths at his disposal had to help his game.


“Kaneeayl was an aggressive rebounder and had a very good attitude” says high school coach Matthew Wahl, who’s Public B Division Germantown Bears went 12 and 10 last season making it to the second round of the play-offs, unfortunately losing to Philadelphia Electrical and Technology Charter High School (PET). 


With such a concentrated schedule and strong focus on basketball, one may start to wonder what does this kid do for fun, what’s his hobby?


For some die-hard players, basketball would be end-all be-all but not for Kaneeayl.


“I love drawling” says Kaneeayl, who once won prize money in an art contest one of his grade-school teachers entered him in. 


With an electrical engineer as a father, one might postulate that Kaneeayl picked up his artistic and architectural talents from his father, and if you’d ask Kaneeayl he’d say that answer is correct. At Cecil College, Kaneeayl plans to take up Civil Engineering.


Coach Brooks has been the Head Coach at Cecil for two years now and under his direction, 60 percent of his players have gone off to Division I institutions. He is sure that Kaneeayl will continue on to do the same.


Last season, Cecil placed sixth in the NJCAA National Tournament, and was once ranked number one back in 1999 when now Coach Brooks was a junior playing basketball for Cecil College. Hopefully, Kaneeayl can help Coach Brooks once more attain the coveted title.


EMAN Annual Meeting June 28

East Mt. Airy Neighbors annual meeting and elections will be held at 7 p.m. on Tuesday, June 28, in Hagan Amphitheater on the campus of the Lutheran Theological Seminary (7301 Germantown Ave.).


EMAN's monthly Board Meetings are held at EMAN Office on the campus of the Lutheran Theological Seminary and  are open to the public.


The EMAN office  office is staffed most weekday mornings and they check their e-mail at info@eastmountairy.org regularly.


The EMAN annual membership campaign begins in July. It's never too late to join. See the web site news page for information on the campaign.


On June 23, the Medium Rare Cinema presents "Vigil." Hosted by film critic Adam Lippe, Medium Rare Cinema presents rarely-seen films, along with discussion groups, trivia games and free popcorn.


Cheyney U Offers Summer Program for High School Students

Cheyney University is offering a pre-college program for high school students this summer at its center city location at 701 Market Street in Philadelphia.


The STARS (Students Targeting Achievement 4 Real Success) Program targets 9th through 12th graders, including students who have recently graduated from the 8th grade and are entering 9th grade. The program focuses on academics, character development, how to manage academic stress, and successful study skills that prepare students for the rigor of higher education. Upon completion of the summer program, students will be better prepared for succeeding in high school as well as enhanced opportunity to succeed in college. The STARS Program was created by Teressa Corinaldi, a former principal and lifetime educator.


The program begins July 5, 2011 through August 20,l}t1. and runs frofi 9 am to noon Monday through Thursday. There is a tuition fee for each weekly session, and a discount is offered with prepayrnent for 5 weeks. The program will take place at Cheyney University Center City (CUCC), TOL Market Street West Lobby, third floor, Philadelphia, PA 19106.


For more information please call (215) 560-3891 or email cucontinuinged@cheyney.edu.



Obituary: Clydie Rose Smith

Clydie Rose Smith was born October 14, 1929, in Philadelphia, PA, to Annie Stokes and Fred Graham.  She did not initially complete high school, but undaunted, she returned to school later in life and earned her diploma.  She followed that by earning her licenses as first a practical, then a registered nurse.


On November 5, 1946, Clydie married Raymond Emmett Smith, and from their union, Erma, Raymond Jr., Kenneth, Connie, Milton, Maude, Robert, and Sharon were born into this world.


Clydie loved the Lord, and she loved the life He provided her.  She made certain that her children knew the Lord as well.  In her free time, Clydie loved to bake and was an avid gardener.  She also enjoyed puzzles, horror movies and the zoo.  Clydie was also blessed with a great talent for sewing; many of her family and friends have their homes adorned with a cross stitching that she made for them. 


However, Clydie’s greatest gift was her warm and loving heart.  And on June 15, 2011, the Lord called that heart back Home.  Clydie is survived by her sons, daughters, sister, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, other family, and a host of friends. 


Green Tree Health Moving

Green Tree Community Health Foundation will be closed starting Wednesday, June 22, 2011, reopening in its new location Monday, June 27th.  Please make a note of these dates and the change of address.

Green Tree Community Health Foundation

6 East Willow Grove Avenue, Philadelphia, PA 19118

Phone - 215-438-8102 •www.greentreecommunityhealth.org


Talking Philly Baseball

Listen When He Says Nothing

By Bill McFarland

When we last met, I emphasized the importance of the Phillies’ longest home stand of the season, during which the team went 9-2, including a four-game sweep of the Florida Marlins last week. That stretch coincided with a prolonged slump by the Fish, who were 1-17 in games through Sunday, and it puts the weekend series in Seattle into perspective.


Losing two out of three wasn’t any fun, but it won’t hurt anything in the long run. Historically, the Phils have not done well against the Mariners (2-7).


Disappointments included pitcher Roy Oswalt’s continuing struggles. He gave up single runs in four different innings during Friday’s 4-2 loss. Also, Cole Hamels pitched a fine game on Sunday without getting any offensive support in a 2-0 loss.

The bright spot was upstart pitcher Vance Worley keeping his team in a tight game Saturday during which he didn’t have his best stuff. Philadelphia prevailed, 5-1, but the youngster didn’t get the decision. Michael Stutes got the win in relief.


Since spot starter Kyle Kendrick also pitched well last Wednesday. It’s going to be interesting to see which of those two hurlers gets the nod when that slot comes around in the rotation again, which will be Friday night against the Oakland A’s at Citizens Bank Park, barring any weather problems during the current three-game series in St. Louis.


The Seattle series also reminded me of something that I’ve been saying for a few years. The novelty of interleague play has long ago worn off. Yes, it’s exciting to see the Boston Red Sox or the New York Yankees on the schedule, but in order to enjoy three games with the Red Sox, the Phillies also had to tolerate series with Seattle, Oakland and the Toronto Blue Jays, with whom we have no natural rivalries.


Killing interleague play would be the best option because it will quiet the critics who claim that some teams get tougher opponents while others get softer ones. The fact that the Phillies have not done well against American League teams also may be playing into my thoughts. I can only suggest one alternative.


Perhaps Major League Baseball could set aside three days during the season for non-league games. National League teams could then choose to schedule a three-game set against one American League opponent or they could bring in three different teams for one game each, assuming that travel schedules wouldn’t make things impossible.


That way, the natural rivalries will still prevail, such as in New York (Yankees-Mets) and Chicago (Cubs-White Sox), and other teams could have some fun with whichever clubs they’d like to face. Baltimore and Washington might benefit from this scenario.


Finally, as the July 31 trading deadline approaches, pay close attention to what Ruben Amaro Jr. says, and right now he’s saying that the Phillies won’t be pursuing a right-handed power bat.


Pay closer attention to what he doesn’t say. In his short tenure as general manager, Amaro has a long history of making his best moves when he says nothing.

That’s my opinion. What do you think?

•  •

Bill McFarland has been covering the Phillies since 1991. Contact him at 215-354-3037 or mcfarlandwilliam@hotmail.com


The Therapist Is In

Size Does Matter

By SUSAN KAROL MARTEL

“The Therapist Is In” is an occasional column dealing with questions and answers concerning emotional health. Northwest resident, author, and columnist Susan Karol Martel, Ed.M., has been a psychotherapist in private practice for more than thirty years. The questions and answers she addresses are those most frequently asked by her clients. If you have a question you’d like her to answer, please e-mail her at skmarteledm@yahoo.com.

Q: I’m a (24, 44, 74 or other) year old.  How can I meet good people to date with the possibility of having a relationship?


I hear this question in my office, in discussions in the gym locker room, on trains, street corners, and Starbucks. I hear it from men but mostly from women. I hear it from heterosexuals and from the LGBTQ (Lesbian, Gay, Bi-sexual, Transgendered, and Queer) communities. So let me make some initial suggestions. These will be followed by those harder to accomplish but offer the biggest rewards.


One of the cornerstones of a satisfying and healthy relationship is shared values and interests.  For starters, I’ll alter the original question to:  How do I meet people where there is the potential for our sharing similar values?


People don’t walk around espousing values on t-shirts, not that I’ve noticed anyway.  So, tapping into your interests to find people with whom you may have something in common is a good first start. Do you like watching and/or playing sports? Reading books? What kind? Are you a single and/or adoptive parent?  Do you have a professional, religious, or spiritual affiliation?  Are you politically inclined? An animal lover? Tree hugger? Vegetarian? Humanitarian? There are groups in the Philadelphia area to satisfy practically every interest. Check the internet to see what comes up. 


The point of becoming involved in an interest group (or even starting one yourself) is that you will be engaged in and enjoying planned activities of your choosing. If you meet someone suitable for dating, it’s an added plus. At least it won’t be a total bust — like going somewhere specifically to meet someone special and leaving feeling more discouraged than before you walked through that door.


Never underestimate meeting men OR women who interest you -whether the right sexual preference and dating material or not.  A new, stimulating friendship isn’t too shabby and good people know other good people. Work on your shyness about wanting a good relationship or meeting people to date.  Ask new and old friends and colleagues if they might know of someone like themselves (translation: with their values and interests) who you might enjoy meeting.  There is something earnest and refreshing about putting out the word that you’re interested.  If you value yourself enough to think that you deserve a good relationship, put it out to your world.  Friends and colleagues will likely feel complimented, and it may just shake out some of the cobwebs in the parts of their brains that secretly desire to become matchmakers.


Now the more difficult stuff with the biggest payback: Know and grow yourself.  Take some time to think about the following. Do YOU know the parts of yourself that need growing?  Are YOU emotionally mature? Are YOU as interesting as you’d hope a significant other would be? As compassionate? As kind? Making an investment toward growing yourself in all of these categories will yield you the biggest benefits toward having a satisfying relationship and attracting someone of your “size.” Growing yourself involves evaluating former relationships. Even if you think the other person was “the Problem” knowing what part you played in sustaining something that wasn’t healthy helps to avoid a repeat performance.


About size mattering--- here’s an equation I often use with my clients that gets my point across.  Let’s say you’re a 5 on the Martel Relationship Rating Scale of 1 to 10. If you’re a 5, it’s logical to say you may attract, maybe a 3.5 to a 6.5.  If you grew yourself to be a 7, your choices increase to having the capacity of meeting and being on more equal footing with a 6 to a 9. Forget about being a perfect 10; this is not about perfection and it’s far from a beauty contest. Where beauty comes into this is when two people of the same “size” meet, there is the greater likelihood of a connection and where the chance for a good relationship to begin. It’s like the game of tennis. You play a better game when you play with someone who’s a better tennis player than you are:  You don’t grow by playing with someone who can’t hit the ball back to begin a good volley. 


Next month’s column will discuss “growing yourself” and how to assess the health of a relationship.



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